An Open Letter to Lice Everywhere

Dear Lice,

I have had it. My patience is shot. If you were a student in my classroom I would be giving you the Viola Swamp lecture of death right about now.

Listen, you have no idea the havoc you are creating in our classrooms. Or maybe you do & you don't care. You're worse than bad education policies. You are keeping kids from learning and keeping teachers from teaching.

How many hours now have I wasted checking children's hair for signs of you? How many notes/emails/phone calls have I exchanged with the school nurse- about you and your insipid little eggs. How many parents have had to leave their jobs to come pick up their child because you decide to play?

I mean, this is out of control. These are not parents who can afford to miss a day of work. These are not kids who can afford to miss a day of school. These are not teachers who can afford to lose instruction time. We have more important things to do than wrap up children's book bags in plastic every morning, and check every little one's head for a sign of black crawly bugs, or little white eggs. And I'd like to stop spending my planning in the nurse's office, getting my own head checked. I can't take the paranoia anymore.

So please, please, could you go visit another school that isn't desperately trying to make AYP? Or better yet, maybe you could, you know, die, and never return.

Please? Because, beyond how gross you are, we just don't have time for you. We need to get back to learning to read.

Thank you,

Mrs. Lipstick

ps. I appologize for any itchiness you are now experience due to reading this post. Welcome to our world. You try to teach when you're imagining your head is crawling...